I've never lost a job before. I feel like someone just kicked me in the stomach. My employer of four years has eliminated my position. It doesn't matter that they've hired 5 entry levels in the past few months - there is no work at my level. The general manager of my office rushes out of the room and I go though the stages of grief while the HR manager tells me the details of our "separation agreement." We are agreeing to separate. They agree to stop paying me, which is the part of our agreement that I'm least excited by. I wonder if they know that all the creative used in last years work came from me? I wonder why I postponed my grad school application only to loose my job a few months before the school year would have begun. Internally, I calculate that mine was 60% of of our household income. I go back and forth from what I'm being told, "It's not personal." "It's purely a business decision due to lower forecasts" and the voices in my head, "I'm being thrown away." "It's not fair." "Everyone involved in this decision is an assholes."
I walk to my car with all the signs of someone who has just lost a job. Tear-soaked face, frenzied eyes, a banker's box of files packed tightly with a box of tampons on top.
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